Saturday, November 1, 2008

Marriage Khutba

Marriage Khutba-Oct 16, 2008

The primary reason for Marriage is forming a unit to bring forth the next generation.
Our children are the legacy that we will leave behind. What we pass on to them will be the only thing of value that we will leave behind.
Companionship is a secondary but critical reason. Without companionship, there will be friction and unpleasantness.
Companionship comes from sharing each others worlds, psychologically since physically is not possible. Where it is possible to do so physically then that is best.

Both parties come to the marriage with different expectations. Some of these are based on what they have seen in their own families. Most of these are based on one being male and the other female.
Female expectations revolve around the need for security (physical, financial and moral) and male expectations revolve around the need for Intimacy
(mostly sex).

Islam, which functions as a Patriarchal Society, insists that the male take care of the physical and financial security. The female has limitless freedom within these boundaries. There is no prohibition on the economic contribution of the female but it is understood that there will be times that she has to focus 100% on the upbringing of the children.
During such times the man has to be extra sensitive and supportive to the woman. The man can never give enough respect and allowances to the woman for her role in child rearing.

Communications styles of both male and female differ. Females traditionally over communicate while males under communicate. Female communication is designed to constantly confirm the mans commitment to the marriage. Male Communication is designed to maintain his independence.
Men tend to be logical and the women emotional in their communications.

Dispute resolution
Listening is key to all dispute resolution. When both parties talk at the same time, no one is listening.
There needs to be a conscious dispute resolution mechanism which incorporates the concept of listening and the concept of time off for meditation. There should be room and allowance for both emotional and logical communication.
It is a bad idea to go into the accounting of who is contributing more to the marriage. The formula has not been invented which will convert intangible contributions into tangible measures. The success of the marriage depends on the mutual appreciation of what each party is able to bring to the marriage.

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